February 10, 2003

in sickness

It’s odd to say, but sometimes I like to get sick. It reminds me that the body is unstable, that it’s breaking down and that I should really practice my ass off in order to escape all the suffering.

I spent the evening yesterday “praying to the porcelain god”. I’m not sure why exactly — bad food or not the right kind of food or something. You tend to have some very spiritual realizations on your knees in the bathroom. The, “why me?” question keeps rolling over and over.

I’m feeling much better now (hence, I’m sitting in front of the computer writing and not meditating like I should be). I don’t want one — I don’t want anyone to have one — but I would imagine that terminal illness is probably the strongest motivator out there.

posted @ 8:35 AM

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