March 19, 2003

anger

Typical conversation last week (while the monks where here):

“I’d like you to have this [insert gift here].”

“No, I can’t accept that.”

“Really, please... I want you to have it.”

“No, I don’t need it. It’s okay.”

“You should take it.”

“Okay, I’ll take it. Thank you.”

Typical conversation this week (while on the phone with customer’s at work):

“I need to have this NOW!”

“I’m sorry, I’m not able to get this to you any faster than it’s already going.”

“Who is your boss, so I can write a letter to complain?”

“I can provide you with that information, but I’m really trying to do everything in my power to resolve this for you.”

“Don’t get smart with me you little f-cking a--hole. You haven’t done sh-t for me.”

It’s only been three days back on the job and I feel like it’s been a week. The mental abuse that our customers provide me with in a typical day is more than most people deal with in a lifetime. I really didn’t notice it all that much until I took a week off and had the opposite happen to me for five days. People were very nice and said sweet, loving things and never once did anyone call me a name.

I know it’s my karma and it’s a great way to build patients, but I don’t know if it’s long term effects will be good. Sometimes (okay, often times) I snap and say things back to people. Right about the time I’m willing to help them, they something really personal and I lose it. I retaliate. The worst possible karma. It’s not altruistic retaliation at all. It’s straight-up, I can be a bigger smart ass than you, attitude. I know it’s completely wrong, but sometimes (okay, often times) I do it anyway. I’m really thinking that I should apply for this bakery position I’ve seen in the paper the last few days...

posted @ 7:50 PM

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