September 28, 2003

looking back

Yesterday was the last day of the retreat. It ended very sweetly with a Long Life Puja for Kirti Tsenshab Rinpoche. All of the people left — most of their mess, however, stayed. We aren’t going to worry about that for a few days though. It’s rest time. Mentally and physically.

I thought when we moved here that we would never meet a person who was demanding or abrasive. I thought that ordained people [Sangha] would be a delight to be around all the time. I thought, basically, that people wouldn’t be people here. They’d be these great bodhisattvas — the embodiment of all of Buddha’s wisdom. As it turns out most of them are just plain old people like myself. Struggling with their mind and getting irritated with the world just like me. About two days ago I came to this conclusion and it was very helpful. Because prior to this I’d think these really horrible thoughts about some of the retreaters or even worse, some of the Sangha. I’d think, “how can they be so selfish? why do they have to treat me like this? why can’t they put their own damn cup away?!?

This retreat was, as a former Director of Vajrapani put it, “trial by fire”. It won’t be this busy for about another year. This retreat was like no other retreat and the retreaters where often referred to as “Thanksgiving Day family” — the kind you love to have there, can’t wait to have leave, and miss intensely when they are gone. Some great lessons were learned and I can’t wait to go to the spa and relax.

posted @ 8:38 AM

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