January 6, 2004

more about retreat

To clarify on the last post... I think I’m a bit scared because I know what my patterns are. I’m afraid I might be very westerner about the whole deal and feel guilty the whole time. Or that I might waste the time — only causing myself further stress in the future. I’m not sure exactly what is more scary. I go back and forth.

I think I’ll like the silence. I’ve been talking on the phone five days a week for the last three years. I could use a little break. I will have a computer, possibly. I may just bring a portable CD player and all of the printed materials instead of using .pdf files on the computer screen. It could become a distraction. Plus I’ve been in front of a computer nearly every day for the last three years also. I could use a little break.

I talked to my good friend Scott on the phone tonight. He said I was nuts. It’s funny how the thought of being away like that frightens people. We saw 21 Grams the other night. It’s a great movie — lot’s of death though. And revenge and adultery. Only a glimmer of compassion now and again. Really made me think that I don’t want to waste my time. I could die at any moment for any reason. I don’t want to let fear run my life. Death must be really scary.

Christina and I were married eight years ago yesterday. We had a beautiful day and really felt the love. I beat her six games to one at the arcade, but then I think we had a similar outcome on our one year anniversary. We’ve not spent more than about 5 days at a time apart from each other since we married. It will be interesting to see how our minds work after the 9th night alone.

posted @ 11:07 PM

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