March 12, 2004
falling to pieces
I have so much I feel like I could accomplish here at Vajrapani before I leave. Maybe little things like fixing people’s decks, building new outhouses and that sort of thing, but things that haven’t been done in a real long time. Things that need to be done.
Then the other side of the coin is the attitude everyone seems to have about bringing a child into this world. I completely understand it. Two months ago I was probably against the idea of having babies here. Because I was against the idea of having babies in my personal life. I respected mothers, no doubt, but a baby out here in the woods? That seemed absurd.
Now I’m just not sure. I either need to give up my attachment about doing anything more here at Vajrapani or I need to give up my attachment to clean houses with indoor plumbing as a place to raise a baby — or at least as a place for an expectant mother.
As Faith No More once said:
Back and forth, I sway with the wind
Resolution slips away again
Right through my fingers, back into my heart
Where it’s out of reach and it’s in the dark
Sometimes I think I’m blind
Or I may be just paralyzed
Because the plot thickens every day
And the pieces of my puzzle keep crumblin’ away
But I know, there’s a picture beneath
Indecision clouds my vision
No one listens...
Because I’m somewhere in between
My love and my agony
You see, I’m somewhere in between
My life is falling to pieces
Somebody put me together
Layin’ face down on the ground
My fingers in my ears to block the sound
My eyes shut tight to avoid the sight
Anticipating the end, losing the will to fight
Droplets of “yes” and “no”
In an ocean of “maybe”
From the bottom, it looks like a steep incline
From the top, another downhill slope of mine
But I know, the equilibrium’s there
Indecision clouds my vision
No one listens
Because I’m somewhere in between
My love and my agony
You see, I’m somewhere in between
My life is falling to pieces
Somebody put me together
posted @ 8:21 AM
reading this has sort of become like watching a beloved reality tv show
i can see the expectant mom thoughts... that nesting thing kicks in, pretty cool experience. little babies are so low maintainence..... i mean, for quite a while they don’t even sit up, and you are bathing them in basically a little dish but once baby gets roaming.... what about keeping your job there, and commuting? are there any houses close by (i keep wanting to say off campus for some bizarre reason)?
oh yeah, are you guys going to let nature take its course, or get a test to see if tomina is a girl or boy?
Everyone seems to indicate that for about six months it doesn’t really matter how much room you have, what people seem to forget is that you need space for diapers, backpacks, strollers, clothes, and the list goes on and on. The baby? No problem. Baby accessories? That’s the problem.
Anyway, check out the next post for more info on staying or going.
Yes, we’re gonna get the boy/girl test. Christina opens Christmas presents at the post office... think she could go nine months without finding out? Not a chance.
posted by tom on March 18, 2004 07:39 AMhaha opens presents at the post office =D
about the accessories.. tell me about it.. i totally spaced that because we’ve outgrown them, but i remember a time when it was never grab a bottle of water and out the door you go,,, it was pack the diapers, change of clothes, snack, toys, get the stroller ready and on and on and on.....
how weird that i forgot that though! hahaha i hated her baby carrier, while loving it at the same time... it was just a total pain in the ass to carry around.
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