December 2, 2005

home(s)

The heater in our motorhome is running for about five minutes at a time and kicking on every two or three minutes. We have an eleven gallon propane tank. It doesn’t last too long in this weather.

The weather is cold and snowing. It hasn’t been above freezing in days, although the sun was out for several hours yesterday — right before the winter storm that we’d been warned about rolled in. I haven’t been outside today, but it was snowing when I went to bed. I’m kind of hoping it’s mean, nasty, cold and blowing out. That way I won’t have to go to work.

All week I thought I would have today off. I thought we would be closing on our house and getting all moved in. That’s not the way my life works though. It never has. It’s been a series of knock downs, setbacks, disappointments and wrong moves. Not everything has been this way and most of the problems do eventually work themselves out for what you could assume to be “the best”.

That’s what we tell ourselves anyway. “Oh, it’s for the best.” I don’t know if it is. It’s a consolation prize, but the ‘best’ thing usually would have been having what you were hoping for in the first place. Like closing on the house we really liked. Or like the motorhome deal falling though because it never felt too right. The list goes on and on. If all the things you’d hoped worked out, did then you wouldn’t have to make due while trying to work on getting what you really want.

You wouldn’t spend all of your savings on things you don’t want to. You wouldn’t be working out in the cold for a boss who only works three hours a day — which means you only work for three hours a day. You wouldn’t be living in a place you only half like but feel you are somehow bound to. You wouldn’t be in a motorhome with your dog, cat, baby and wife. You wouldn’t have lost your dream job and you’d be living in a house you bought back when prices were reasonable in a city you love. But I’m sure it’s “all for the best.”

posted @ 6:38 AM

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