February 22, 2003

big questions

This friend of mine is perpetually telling me how messed up things are, how backwards the world is, and how silly we all are. He’s plagued with asking the Big Questions. Like most of us, he would prefer the inner dialog to just give it a rest. He’d like to be the guy who just goes to work, does “the job” for 8 hours, heads home to watch some TV, then falls right to sleep at night. We both know a few people like this and we’re blown away by them.

Normally when we hang out, I just keep my thoughts to myself. I don’t say much about my philosophical take on the world. Mostly I just nod in agreement that, yes, it is nuts that we spend five days a week working some job to pay for the car to get us to work so we can buy food and a house and be tied to this chain of constant displeasure. I learned my lesson with a few people that offering a solution without being asked to do so, no matter how much you believe it to be correct, will never turn the tide. They have to want to hear it.

Last night we hung out, went to coffee and when he asked what I was up to these days, I mentioned that I am bringing some monks to town. We talked about who they were and their lineage. Why I was bringing them to town and what significance it had in my life. It was a nice discussion and we talked about Tibetan history, a little about the nature of things, cause and effect, possible solutions to end suffering. It was good — great, in fact.

posted @ 4:15 PM

February 20, 2003

calm before the storm

These last few weeks have been very quiet on the Buddhist front. The winter emails have trickled to a near halt. Not many updates from list servers have been sent out. Maybe I’m sensitive to it this year, but I can feel all of the planning in the air. Summertime is when all of these amazing events occur. Benefit concerts, teachings and great festivals.

Things are starting to melt here. If it snows, it doesn’t stick. I know the east coast was hit with a massive snow storm, but it will be gone soon. March is almost here and the Tibetan tradition begins it’s remembrances and celebrations. What events will you be attending in the coming months?

posted @ 10:30 PM

February 19, 2003

links

A new “toy” has been added to the site. It allows you to add links to a page (what will possibly become the ‘exit’ page). Keep ‘em clean, keep ‘em relevant, and keep ‘em coming.

posted @ 4:42 PM

February 17, 2003

just because

“What is that?” (I play dumb, like I don’t know what he’s referring to.)

“It’s a green thumb.” (I have this photocopied ‘good job’ thumb, on green paper up in my cube.)

“No, what is that?”

“It’s a monk.”

“Why?” (Possible answers running through my head at the time: ‘For inspiration.’ — too corny. ‘I’m a Buddhist, that’s my teacher.’ — too much explanation involved in the follow-up.)

“Because.”

“Because why?”

“Just because.” Just because he is the first American I feel worthy of putting on a wall and since I already have two up at home, I thought maybe putting one up where I spend most of my time would be a good idea. But also because I want people to ask why he’s there. Trouble is, I haven’t figured out a really good response back to that question. I don’t know if there is one. I just found out last night that Geshe Michael Roach (the monk in question) didn’t tell anyone at his job that he was a monk for five years. I’ve only been with my company for two and most people that know me know I’m a Buddhist — or at least that I seem to like Tibetan stuff and this funny looking language. I’m now wondering if I should take it all down. ‘The point is not to be some weird person, into weird things. The point is to be this normal American who is changing his reality.’ Paraphrasing Geshe-la.

As a side note, a few minutes ago I was wonder to myself if somewhere in India a Tibetan monk has a picture of the first Tibetan to get a Western degree on their wall. I think probably not, but you never know.

UPDATE: After much deliberation, I have taken down the picture of Geshe Michael in my cube. I have left up a postcard from the Tibetan Language Institute which contains verses on the practice of a Bodhisattva as well as the OM from the Om Yoga in a Box packaging, a page showing the Tibetan alphabet and the flyers for the monk’s tour. Oh, and if you want to count it, I left up a sticky note saying, “expiration date?” to remind myself that I don’t know when I’ll die and that I should not die angry or with any regrets.

posted @ 9:16 PM

February 15, 2003

knows no nose

One of the questions on the dentist’s form was, “do you suffer from any of the following:” and “mouth breathing” was one of the options. I’m a mouth breather, but I never thought that it was in the same category as “bleeding gums” and “pain from cold foods and liquids”. The hygienist informed me that your gums dry out and cause bleeding when you don’t breathe through your nose.

I blame the fact that air is sent to my lungs via my lips rather than nostrils on two things — genetics and Michael J. Fox. I’m not positive, but I believe that my dad had (has?) a deviated septum (if not, I know for sure that my aunt did). It’s possible that I have the same. My septum is pierced --yes, it hurt-- but I have no idea what a deviated septum feels like or how you’d tell if you had one.

As for Michael J. Fox... remember that scene in Back to the Future where he is asleep on his bed, fully clothed? The camera is a close-up on “Marty’s” head and his mouth is wide open. Michael J. Fox was my idol back in the day and, in addition to spending hours trying to flip my skateboard up and grabbing ahold of it, I also remember trying to sleep like that. Because, “someday I’ll be married and I’ve gotta look cool all the time — even when I sleep.” (I was nine, give me a break. My wife now makes fun of me for sleeping with my mouth open — thanks, Spielberg.)

The dentist, the yoga instructors, and meditation teachers all agree that I should be breathing through my nose. Since I’ve been working on breathing techniques while exercising and meditating, I find that sleeping with my mouth closed has become a real ordeal. I catch myself with my mouth wide open, close it and focus on my breath — my mind comes alive. I immediately start counting to ten and focussing the mind. If I can stop the “meditation warm up” I soon find myself breathing the “ujai” breath of yoga. “Ok, relax. Don’t try to control it.” Boom! My mouth drops open. I give up and fall asleep.

posted @ 9:37 AM

February 13, 2003

study group

I have been listening to and watching Geshe Michael’s teachings on my own for a few years now. I get some great aspiration one day, “I’m going to complete all of Course One!” That lasts for about a week and a half and then I stop studying. I lose all my noble intentions, but mostly I lose interest because I am (or at least it feels like I am) the only one studying this stuff. Suddenly mutual concerns become my exclusive concern — like the fact we have bills to pay, TV and movies to watch or at work helping our agents meet their goals all becomes my main focus. Doing that Buddhism class isn’t important to anyone else. In fact, they probably don’t even know I’m doing such a class.

A few days ago I downloaded the Freedom from the Four Attachments video and Christina and I have been watching it on nights when our usual TV shows aren’t on. She’s this amazing learner — totally different than me. I absorb (and consequently lose) information fast. She takes time and care to learn it correctly and retain it. She’s been asking me to repeat back for her the four things that show you are still attached to this life and the three that show you aren’t. It’s helping me retain it and her learn it. And it’s been amazing. I’m really looking forward to getting a Dharma study group together.

posted @ 8:49 AM

February 10, 2003

in sickness

It’s odd to say, but sometimes I like to get sick. It reminds me that the body is unstable, that it’s breaking down and that I should really practice my ass off in order to escape all the suffering.

I spent the evening yesterday “praying to the porcelain god”. I’m not sure why exactly — bad food or not the right kind of food or something. You tend to have some very spiritual realizations on your knees in the bathroom. The, “why me?” question keeps rolling over and over.

I’m feeling much better now (hence, I’m sitting in front of the computer writing and not meditating like I should be). I don’t want one — I don’t want anyone to have one — but I would imagine that terminal illness is probably the strongest motivator out there.

posted @ 8:35 AM

February 8, 2003

wish list

So, I’ve had the Amazon.com wish list over there in the menu bar for a couple of weeks now. It’s there because people (not random strangers on the street, but people like my wife, mom and dad) say I’m hard to shop for. Part of this has to do with the fact that I don’t generally just state what I want. I hint around (all passive-agressive-like). I have my cravings and desires just like everyone else, but I try to keep them in check and part of this involves not just putting it out there — saying what I want everytime I want something.

The wish list is subtle (most of my friends and family are not in the habit of reading my website) but it also allows me to say, “hey, I gave you a list.” Well, it would if it pointed to something usefull. It didn’t until about five minutes ago — just a generic ‘signup for a wishlist’ form. Deleted my cookies and discovered my error.

posted @ 8:01 AM

February 3, 2003

yurt living

Last night I read an article in Mother Earth News all about living in tipis and yurts. Not sure how I feel about a tipi. The “vaulted” ceilings would be nice, but the circumference doesn’t quite do it for me. Sixteen feet is a good start, but not what I’d call ideal. A yurt on the other hand sounds like a great idea. I think I could really do one of those. Christina says we’ll have to have plumbing — and I think I’m with her on that. Maybe do up a bathroom as deluxe outhouse with running water, a big bath tub and shower, etc. Not like it’s going to happen any time soon, but gotta dream.

posted @ 3:40 PM