June 30, 2003

controlling karma

Burning question of the moment... can you control karma? I guess this is more of a Buddhist wondering if your prayers can be answered. I know that karma is often explained with the seed analogy. If the karmic seeds are properly watered, lit, and fertilized they will grow into your current reality. That’s all fine, no problems understanding that concept. I’m wondering though, can you apply more light or water by thinking about the result you would like over and over. Then, if that karma exists somewhere, it suddenly grows into the “reality tree”. I would guess that you probably can. And I would guess that this is probably the point.

Hopefully tomorrow I will be able to provide more of an explaination as to why I have been pondering this question for the last few days.

posted @ 8:36 PM

June 25, 2003

physically ill

Baths used to make me feel good, like a new person. Meditation and yoga used to have similar effects. Now when I do any of these activities I don’t feel that much better. In fact, today I felt worse after the bath. I sat on the meditation cushion for a long time this morning. I wasn’t meditating the whole time, it was just a comfortable posture and allowed for some reflection.

Christina and I have been talking about purchasing a motor home to live in full time. We decided to write down ten cities in the United States where we’d like to try living for a little bit and do just that. This morning I wrote down mine:

1. Ithaca, NY


2. Taos / Santa Fe, NM


3. St David, AZ


4. San Louis Obispo, CA


5. Bay Area (Santa Cruz, Berkeley, San Francisco), CA


6. Astoria, OR


7. Arcata / Eureka, CA


8. Missoula, MT


9. Loveland / Ft Collins / Boulder, CO


10. Flagstaff, AZ

Christina requested I do this because I’m getting physically ill before work. I don’t want to go, so I work myself up into this knotted mess nearly every day. Jobs in the Flathead Valley are few and far between, so it doesn’t leave much alternative other than moving. Besides, Bodhisattva vow number 130 (a secondary offense against the precepts of the prayer for the wish for enlightenment) states: Failing to take yourself to a holy lama. Hence, the top five are strictly for the purpose of finding a good teacher. The rest are nice places and close to known teachers, so they would also do.

I’m not sure we’ll be able to get the motor home, but we can probably save enough to move. My hope is to get down to just one chest of my personal things (the bedroom — think clothes and bed — kitchen, computer and other electronics not included). CDs, tapes, books, photos, magazines, writings, alter stuff, office supplies... all of that should be able to fit into the trunk. Maybe I’ll start the zanwat auction when I’m ready to get rid of some things. I’ll keep you posted.

posted @ 11:14 AM

June 24, 2003

harry potter

I haven’t read the book, but since it is all the rage and seemingly the only thing people around me are talking about — here are some things that you should know:

row in reference to a dispute or argument is pronounced “rau”.

taking the mickey means, “to make fun of.”

West Ham United is a football [soccer] team which was, until the end of this past season, in the English Premier League. They have now been relegated to Division 1. They are commonly referred to as “The Hammers”.

I’m not English, I’m just trying to help out my brothers and sisters in the States from embarrasing themselves. I would imagine nothing could be worse than getting information in a kids book wrong.

posted @ 1:45 PM

June 21, 2003

not punk enough

I’m a Macintosh guy. Never have owned a Windows computer and don’t plan on ever purchasing one, but most Tibetan text input tools are written for the PC. My intention and the very reason for dressing as a punk on Thursday was to win the computer (for the benefit of all sentient beings). I figured I could help more people if I had a Wintel machine. Alas, I didn’t win, but my motivation was proper and I dedicated all of my efforts to helping others.

That is... until they announced the winner. I would have proudly lost to Duane, but he is support staff and didn’t qualify for the prize. I’m not support staff (not getting paid salary), but I am a senior (not just an agent) so I’m thinking maybe I didn’t win because of that. I’m hoping that’s the case because, although you can’t really tell from the picture, I’m looking way more punk rock that the winner. [More pictures will be posted soon, just need to develop the role.]

posted @ 7:34 AM

June 20, 2003

google (tm)

Often I tell people to “google” something. If they ask how I found something out I mention that, “I googled it.” I’ve always thought that this was amazing free advertising for the company. I’m not saying, “I yahooed it.” Nor am I saying, “Go to Excite and do a search.” I’m clearly telling the person, “go to www.google.com and look that information up.” I use Google because it gives great results — consistently — for general information searches. I consider all of this free advertising for Google, but Google does not.

posted @ 2:52 PM

June 17, 2003

spiky-top

Thursday is Punk Rock Day at work. This means that it has been requested of the population at work to dress like punks. Last week it was dress as your favorite recording artist, the week before was “camo” day (wear camouflage) and next week is red, white and blue day. See June has been dubbed “Fun Month” and it’s apparently fun to dress exactly like I did ten years ago. They are going to give away a computer to the best dressed male and one to the best dressed female.

I’ve been going through my closet pulling out the old school garb and compiling the ultimate punk rock attire. I just confirmed that all the old piercings are still open and available for business so I’ll be filling them with safety pins. I made this pair of pants my junior year out of my favorite black jeans. I completely covered them with patches from other pairs of black jeans. They were the envy of many and are still occasionally talked about by those that knew me back then. I gave away my old bondage belt, but will be borrowing that back from my friend. I can’t seem to find my old leather supply box (which at one point contained my spiked bracelet), so it’s just going to be chains on the wrist. The hair is still up in the air (uhm... by that I mean that I’m not sure what I’ll be doing with it yet, but as an added bonus to that idiom, it will also be spiked — somehow). As for the T-shirt, I think I’m gonna go with either “Operation Ivy” or “Free Radio Berkeley”. Need to hit the thrift store to see about getting a pair of “braces” (suspenders). Docs will adorn the feet, wallet chain(s) and my leather jacket will complete the attire. We are required to wear identification badges — their main purpose is to allow you to enter the building. I painted, using acrylics, a replication of this badge on my leather jacket as a little kiss ass way to woo the judges because I sorta feel like I’m cheating. It doesn’t take much work to find the old box of punk rock and start dressing like I did in high school. Nevertheless, I’m fully planning on winning.

For those that are curious, I’ve gone back and scanned, edited and posted some pictures of me when I used to be a spiky-top.

UPDATE: Having thought about this post and my feelings about Thursday, I think what I’m worried about is being too much like the real thing. Halloween, for example, nobody worries that the guy in a bear suit is actually a bear or that the “woman” with a full on beard is really a cross dresser. You don’t mistake the costume for the real thing. But, if you run from the “bear” and hit on the “woman” are they still costumes? Having worn my “costume” quite seriously for several years, I guess I think the judges will see that and think I didn’t put any effort into it (that’s what the comment about kissing ass is all about). On the other hand, most people at work think I’m this clean-cut, religious guy who would never think of having blue hair, so maybe it really will be a costume. But if they ask me about it, I have to tell them, “oh, I used to dress like this all the time.”

posted @ 10:21 AM

June 16, 2003

supervisor

“I have a supervisor call.”

That phrase means to me: ‘I have someone on the phone who is pissed off. I’ve failed to calm them. Now they would like the opportunity to yell at you. They will likely tell you how horrible the customer service is, how they’ve been lied to x-number of times, and how they will never buy our product again.’

Imagine, if can, that your job is to talk to the angriest of the angry people all day long. You hang up with one and about 10-15 minutes later (if you’re lucky you get 10-15 minutes between calls) you have to speak to another angry person. What you wind up doing is grasping for “angry” synonyms so that your notes don’t all sound the same. I can’t imagine that this is having good overall long-term effects on me. I can almost feel myself becoming more and more jadded as the days go by.

I rarely see this until I talk to someone who doesn’t work in my field. They tell me about this upset customer they had to deal with and I just kinda smirk. I feel bad that they had to deal with an unpleasant situation, but at the same time — I deal with these situations all day long. Have for a few years. It’s time for a new job.

posted @ 4:32 PM

June 13, 2003

hmmm... weird how that works

Which OS are You?

posted @ 6:14 PM

June 12, 2003

slight disapointment

I didn’t get the job. I figured that my karma was probably not ripe for such an amazing opportunity, so I don’t have much disappointment. Oh, don’t get me wrong... living in (near) Santa Cruz is a six year old dream, working for a Dharma center is a two year old dream, but working for Vajrapani is only a few days worth of dreaming. Besides (and I don’t think I’ve mentioned this before), I will likely be the “Transportation Minister” for the 2004 Tashi Lhunpo monastery tour. That means I’ll get to drive monks up and down the East Coast. I figure this will be a karma launching pad and may lead to bigger and better things.

UPDATE: The worst part about not getting a job is not knowing why you weren’t the guy. Why, out of all the applicants, you didn’t get selected. It’s the reason I don’t go job hunting more often.

posted @ 7:29 PM

June 10, 2003

joke that’s not a joke

It’s one of the funniest things I’ve seen on television in some time. David Letterman has been playing little bits of George W. Bush speeches that are setup and delivered as if they were a joke except they are not funny. The bit is called the, “George Bush Joke That’s Not a Joke.” Doing a Google search pulls up nothing though, so you’ll just have to watch. It’s not on everynight, but often enough.

posted @ 7:41 PM

June 5, 2003

another job posting

Everyone is talking about this job opening at Apple, but I’m more interested in this other job opening in the Bay Area:

And who, you ask, is the employer? None other than Vajrapani Institute.

posted @ 7:50 AM

June 4, 2003

great retreat

I’ve never met him. I’ve seen video footage, I have two very nice pictures of him, and I’ve listened to hours upon hours of teachings, but we’ve never been formally introduced.

I was a radio nut. It was the medium of choice and I worked hard to learn everything I could about it. Had a little ‘zine talking about the micropower radio movement, wrote up a business plan to start my own station, had my own internet station for awhile and worked as a DJ for about six years. Talk radio was okay, but what I was really interested in was music. Many of the bands I had been listening to for years suddenly fell into a nice little category and you could hear some good music when you flipped on the boom box. Then Britney and the Backstreet Boys came along and all of the stations jumped on that bandwagon. I hit the internet in search of some relief.

My interest in this thing called “Buddhism” was, at this point, purely fascination. I had no interest in being a meditator, keeping any vows, listening to teachings or learning Tibetan. I thought it was a bummer that the Tibetans were kicked out of their land. I thought that every time the Dalai Lama spoke he said something brilliant, but I wasn’t interested in being called Buddhist.

One day back in 1999 instead of going out and looking for a job, like I probably should have been doing, I decided to find a radio station to listen to on the internet. I came across something called Lam Rim and they were playing this scratchy recording of a man who sounded like he was an American, but could speak Tibetan and would explain certain words to his audience. He told this story of a Tibetan lama who could go to the dentist and not feel any pain when they drilled his teeth. I thought, “that sounds nice, impossible, but nice.” Then without hesitation this American began explaining how it was very possible for two people to have a completely different perspective of the same event. How this event isn’t happening ‘out there’ it happens in the mind of person perceiving it. How it may be possible to change our own reality.

‘Shocked and hooked’ is the only way to accurately describe what I was feeling at this point. As it turns out, I had stepped back in time, into the classroom at Vajrapani Institute around August of 1996. I was a few days late so I was catching the course mid-way through. I had the great fortune of hearing Geshe Michael Roach teaching his favorite subject, The Diamond Cutter Sutra.

When I talk about being a Buddhist, but not by choice — this is why. This course blew me away and changed my whole world. As I did more investigating to see if I could learn more from this amazing teacher, I found out that he was about to go into three year retreat. His last teaching before retreat would be given in California in February of 2000. I was not going to be able to attend, but fifteen courses were available to study.

Friday marks the three year, three month and three day anniversary of the “great retreat” and will be Geshe-la’s last day. The folks in New York will be doing a nice ceremony where they formally request teachings and offer the long mandala. I am quite ecstatic that we will once again have a great master guiding us on the stages of the path — whether in New York, Arizona, California or (keep dreaming) Montana.

[This is my formal request that Geshe Michael Roach continuing teaching the Dharma.]

posted @ 8:33 AM

June 2, 2003

bruce almighty

If you call 776-2323 with a 406 area code you get Big Creek Inn located in Savage, MT. How about with your area code?

posted @ 4:35 PM

trouble in nepal

A brave woman is dragged away by Nepalese police. She was standing in front of a bus filled with 18 Tibetans being sent back to China from Nepal.

posted @ 8:14 AM